Sometimes there are fights, those that you feel you have to defend your beliefs, or what you think are your needs, the respect towards you, to your giving, to your love, fights where you bring all your weapons and you put all your energy, where you not just defend but attack, where you focus on winning and not on the reconciliation, driven by your ego or your misunderstanding of what the limits are, for you to be where you think you have to be with someone, and not just you, but the other, and you don’t realise that you are transferring your fears, to lose, to be left behind, but in those fights you lose the more you fight, that’s the paradox, until everything is lost, and then you realise you’ve been defeated, by both of you, by yourself, and the energy is taken from you, and you are alone with your weapons that are useless all of a sudden, and you learn that you should have never go to war, not in that way, because if was a suicide, it was an offence and you feel guilty about it, and you can’t complain because it won’t fix anything, and your guilt won’t fix much either

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2022